It’s a scary time.
No duh, I suppose.
I’ve been self-isolating, which, it turns out, was actually a much needed break for my brain (I will find silver linings if it kills me) and has allowed me to start thinking again. Between work and the MA, my brain has had little room for anything besides stress. Stress can be good, stress gets you up off your butt and working to hit that deadline, but when I have a bit more room in my noggin, latent ideas come crawling out into the light. Generally these ideas are malnourished and/or dehydrated because I haven’t given them the slightest bit of conscious attention. It takes a couple days for the poor idea to recover enough to even tell me what it is.
One regained its voice just now; as I write it’s close to midnight. It’s more of a question than an idea, but it’s one of those spark-like questions that end up starting wildfires. The question was this:
WHY DO YOU DO ANYTHING THAT YOU DO?
I blinked once, twice. Disbelieving that it was taking me more than an instant to think of an answer. I grabbed my notebook. Words came out slow and sluggish at first, then juddered, coughed, came out more fluidly.
I write and study and speak and exist and create and live and breathe to:
represent | expose/start a discussion | navigate spaces not made for people like me | reclaim | (self-)advocate | document | heal | (un)learn | free myself and others from walls
I write creatively and academically to insert a queer trans neurodivergent voice into spaces that don’t have enough of these voices. I do this to become the voice that I did not have while growing up. I do this because I believe wholeheartedly that knowledge is power and education is a key.
I’m saying all of this because, between the stress of the MA and the stress of this god awful pandemic, that had gotten lost. The why had disappeared, lost in the crowd of deadlines and hand-sanitiser.
Things have changed. The mini-conference we had planned for this week won’t be going ahead. Our classes have been cancelled. Campus is deserted, quiet, save for the birds. But we haven’t stopped working; the reasons we study or work or create have not disappeared, have not become sick.
So expect to hear more from all of our blogs! Lots more! Excelsior!